Posts Tagged ‘self-knowledge’

Story – Mike Grange, automobile mechanic, finds himself

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

car mechanic tells his story of becoming a lawyer in spite of himself
It’s hell now, just pure hell. Ever since I found myself, I see things differently, and it’s not particularly fun. It’s a whole new orientation. I sort of liked the way I saw things before, before I found myself. God, life, and me, were a lot simpler then. When I didn’t have a clue as to my real self was, I was pretty glad to just be living and sticking my hands in some nuts and bolts, proud when a motor purred. And after work, it was TV, beer, Sunday football games, the basics. It was a pretty good life.

Then I had to go and find myself.

And I discover I should’ve been a lawyer all this time. Jesus….

So now I’m attending night school, acquiring sophisticated tastes, learning big words, manipulating logical thought and instinctively looking for loopholes. I go to foreign films and like brandy. I read. Big books with small print. Front to back, even the footnotes. I’m hooked. It’s depressing.

But I just don’t know if it’s all worth it—really. This Self stuff. I’ve got all these new ambitions and worries. Career goals and financial liabilities. It’s tough. I wouldn’t recommend a true sense of self to anyone who’s been fooling himself for years and has already gotten used to who he thinks he is and has his habits, a beer belly, a life….

Maybe if I had discovered myself earlier, before I had all these pleasant memories when I didn’t know who I really was but was having a good time anyway.

My old friends really think I’m crazy now. They say, “Come on, Mike, you’re crazy. Stop going to college. My carburetor’s starting to go on the blink.” But I explain to these people, “This is the real me, since I found myself.” They back off as though I’ve gone loony.

Who knows. Maybe they’re right.

Nowadays, I just try to keep me to myself, stop having these urges to bill people for my time, and suffer in silence….

Taken from the book, “How to Find Yourself (or a reasonable facsimile).